As much as you love your family sometimes, you want to disavow them completely. It happens in even the best, most closely knit families in the world. There is a lot of love between you all but there is also a fair amount of strife.
They mean well – most of the time. They really do love you and only want what’s best for you. The problem is, they’ve spent their lives overstepping and interfering with your life. They aren’t going to stop on their own. If you want them to butt out of your marriage so that you and your spouse can work things out together, then you’re going to have to tell them.
But, family also often has thin skin when it comes to matters of the heart and hurt feelings. So, how do you balance the needs of your marriage with the needs of the family you love so much – most of the time?
Show Your Appreciation
This works very well when there is one specific family member who tends to be the ring leader (or pot stirrer as the case may be). Ask the family member in question if he or she will go to dinner with you.
Take the family member somewhere nice. It doesn’t have to be a formal affair or fine dining but you want it to be something better than fast food. Tell your sister, brother, cousin, parent, etc. that you appreciate the he or she is looking out for your interests. Let him or her know how fond you are of that person.
Then you need to lower the hammer, ever so gently. Explain that you love your spouse and you’re trying to work out your differences. Let your family member know that his or her actions to tear you apart are hurting YOU and your spouse and that they cannot continue.
Sometimes, this information is all it takes to clear things up. After all, your family isn’t out to hurt you. They want to HELP you. You just sometimes have to let them know they’re help hurts in order to get them to stop.
But when you start out by showing your appreciation first, you’re taking some of the sting out of any harsh words that may have to come later in the conversation. You don’t want to cause a rift in your family but your spouse is your family too and that relationship is the one that needs your full, undivided attention for the moment.
When you get your family, well meaning as they may be, out of the way you’ll see just how easy it can be to get your marriage back on track. You may even be able to figure out how to get your ex back once he or she learns that the fight to make things work between you is no longer going to be against your entire family tree.
Tags: