You might feel a certain sense of urgency for saving your marriage but that isn’t going to happen until you can have a conversation. That is hard to do when it’s like pulling to teeth to get him to ask you to pass the mustard at the dinner table though.
Men, throughout history, have been more inclined to take action than to shower the women they love with pretty words of prose and poetry. It’s difficult for them to talk about their feelings. They’re much more comfortable showing them.
Resentment is a Poison Pill
Therein lies the disconnection between the two of you. He resents the fact that you’re looking for words of love when he feels his actions should speak louder. The problem is that you don’t understand what his actions mean.
You resent that he isn’t helping around the house. You feel like you’re doing it all alone. He feels like you’re not recognizing his contribution at all.
Before you know it angry huffs turn into prolonged silences and the Ice Age is looking warm compared to your once happy home.
Finding Happier Times Ahead
It doesn’t have to be this way. There is something better you can do. There is a way to get him to talk without worrying over words that may be picked apart and analyzed for hidden meaning.
There’s a principle that will help you get the conversation started. It’s all about finding your own faults before you start pointing out his. In Biblical terms, it would be something along the line of removing the mote from your own eye first.
If you really want to save your marriage then you’re going to have to master this concept. It will help YOU view his feelings in a whole new way too. More importantly, it will help you both find a kinder, gentler way of talking to each other instead of ‘at’ each other. It’s much more productive this way too.
Leave the Judgment Behind
This is the time to lay it all on the line without judgment. You need to let him know how you feel in a way that doesn’t sound like an accusation. You need to be able to bring up things that have had a major impact on you at a time that isn’t laced with emotion and explain to him how his actions made you feel.
Something along the lines of ‘You know when I asked you for help three times the other day and you didn’t even acknowledge me? I needed your help and support but I feel you weren’t meeting my needs’ But don’t leave it there. Go one step further and really rock his world by asking one little question that will make all the difference in your marriage. ‘Is there something I did or said that made you unwilling to help me out?’
It leaves the judgment behind and invites him to have an open and honest dialog about what’s going on in the state of your marriage. This tactic will not only work to help heal the rift in marriages around the world but you can even use it to help heal relationships after breakups and divorces. But before you employ this powerful method for talking to your husband it’s important to watch this free video that can help you learn how to get your ex back and keep him back this time around first.
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